One reason that they are hurting so deeply is due to my extreme chronic sickness. (I have been sick for over forty years - that's over four decades - and particularly much worse the last eleven years, which have been my children's "emotionally formative years." The chronic sickness has been so much more severe than "outsiders" could ever possibly know...[one reason for that is that I rarely go "outside" due to, pretty much, being homebound for so long, so no one really even knows what is going on with my family and me.])
Yesterday, I spent a long time on the phone with an excellent treatment center in Arizona, where I sense a strong leading to go. I talked, on the phone, about how much my children need me and how they do not even know that I was not always "THIS SICK!" The phone call was not complete without tears.
After the phone call, I was "hopeful" about getting better for my children, but while I was looking at how a two-month stay at a treatment center can bring restoration and peace to my children as well as healing to my body, others in my life were looking at extreme expense and seemingly impossible logistics of a two-month stay in Arizona, where I was told I will get WORSE before I get better.
So...This morning, I woke up with the realization that, unless GOD MOVES MOUNTAINS, I may NOT be going to Arizona...but what does that mean? Does that mean that I will NOT be healed?
With unbearable disappointment in my heart once again, I just sat, cuddling, in the comforting presence of Abba Daddy for a couple of hours, then I willingly chose to move forward with spending time with Jeremiah, who was home alone with me...NOT knowing that the "dreaded potential emergency" was going to STRIKE again.
I was home alone with Jeremiah and an "emergency situation" arose. I tried to keep calm and hide it from Jeremiah. I begged God to have mercy on me...and have mercy on my children. I prayed and prayed for God to help me. God answered.
And I am grateful.
When Greg came home, I cried as I told him the whole story, and he said to me, "NONE OF US KNOW WHEN IT'S GOING TO STRIKE!"
It is so extremely frightening to never know when "it" is going to strike...and that is the reason why I was "not allowed" to be home alone with my children at one point (when emergency room visits were a frequent part of my life).
It breaks my heart that my children have literally grown up with those frequent, frightening circumstances...and that is why I continue to ask God to have mercy on them.
Would you join me right now in praying this Scripture over my children and me?
Now, how may I pray for YOU and YOUR FAMILY?