I have a skin condition that affects my hands. I do not see a dermatologist, but when my rheumatologist took her first look at my hands, she seemed slightly disturbed. Then, she made a comment about my hands as she took a second look. This terrible condition affecting my hands makes my hands bleed, and bleed, and bleed. (Knowing that I have tested negative for HIV certainly helps others and me to feel comfortable, as I live with this “visually disturbing” condition!) I bleed all over almost everything in my home – clothes, papers, blankets, my laptop – nothing is exempt from the possibility of my blood coloring it! (Actually, while I am writing this chapter, I am looking at the blood forming a growing ball on my knuckle. Yuck!) Everybody in my home knows if Mama touched something. Is there blood on it? Yep, Mama was here! And forget it if I want to dare sneak some chocolate. I will most certainly get “found out.” The blood gives it away! I just bleed...all over anything in my path!
One day, I was talking to my son about me bleeding on stuff. I was opening up the shade in my bedroom, and I asked my son, “Oh! Did I just BLEED on it?” (Like it would be a surprise to either of us if I did!) But, how he answered me was a surprise. He answered with a joke about me “BLEEDING” for my prayer assignment. I thought it was funny, but it really made me think about bleeding within the prayer closet.
When I bleed all over everything in my home, my family can “see” my blood. However, we, as Battle Prayer Warriors, often “bleed” for our filmmakers in ways that others cannot see. We bleed in our hearts. It is a common occurrence for our hearts to “bleed” for our filmmakers. Since this bleeding takes place within our hearts, unlike my bleeding hands, it is, more often than not, invisible to others. However, it IS visible to God!
So often I feel so invisible. It has even been confirmed, by several different people, that I truly am “invisible.” God, Himself, has even confirmed to me that I am often “invisible” to other people. But, He reassured me that I am NOT invisible to HIM, nor are my battle prayers invisible to Him! HE sees what others do not see! When I am battling in my closet, in seclusion, GOD sees me when NO ONE else does (not even my prayer assignment). When I am battling for my prayer assignment, no one else in the whole world may know it, but GOD does! When I battle for a movie or tv show, no one else in the whole world may know it, but GOD does! When my name is NOT in the credits for being the prayer warrior for that particular production, and when the rest of the world sees many of the faces and all the other names that contributed to that production, yet my name is missing – invisible – GOD sees me...and HE saw how I bled in prayer for that production. Are we willing to be satisfied with that – if we are invisible...if our “bleeding” appears to be invisible...if our names are invisible in the credits scrolling at the end of the tv show or movie?
One night, as I was in such severe pain from my chronic sickness, I cried and cried and cried, then I wrote to my prayer assignment to ask him to pray for peace for me. Then, the next morning, I was in prayer, and I was reminded of my covenant with God, “I will give to [My Filmmaker Prayer Assignment] until it hurts. And it does hurt, but I will choose to give some more...expecting nothing in return...” Right after that, the phone rang. I answered it, and after I talked with my prayer assignment for some time, he told me very clearly that he very much appreciated me...more than anyone knows! That made me cry “happy tears,” but even as much as he greatly appreciates how much I give to him, I realize that not even my prayer assignment knows just how much I actually “bleed” for him in my closet! But, ya know what, he doesn't have to know. I chose to bleed for him anyway! It is worth it!
During the shooting of a production, I usually pray that God would check the motives of the entire cast and crew, and line up our motives with His. So, a valid question to ask ourselves as Battle Warriors is, “Why are we truly 'Bleeding Battle Warriors' for our filmmakers?” To get “noticed?” To feel important? To “look good?” To feel good about ourselves? To have our names seen in the credits? To have our moment of fame? To feel significant? To secure our identity in it? To get “attention” from our filmmaker? To get recognition or praise from our filmmaker? To be able to say that we “know” and pray for a filmmaker? Or, as a more “Christian” way of putting it...To be able to talk about how grateful and blessed we are for the Divine opportunity to be involved with a Christian filmmaker and his production? Hmmm, we may very well be grateful and blessed for the Divine opportunity to be involved with a Christian filmmaker and his production, but if our motive is ANYTHING but simple obedience to the LORD'S calling to “bleed in the battle” for our filmmaker, then our motive for bleeding is not one hundred percent pure – and, just like the shed blood of Jesus is one hundred percent pure, our motive for bleeding in the battle for our filmmaker needs to be one hundred percent pure.
Jesus shed His pure blood on the Cross for our sins. Yes, His blood was visible – grotesquely visible – as He hung on that Cross; however, no human saw how His heart bled or how His Father's heart bled when Father and Son were separated due to our sin being put upon Him. Although it was “invisible,” the hearts of both the Father and the Son bled in “The Great Spiritual Battle” to win us back. And just like I know that my prayer assignment has no clue just how much I bleed in my heart for him in my closet, God and His Son know that we really have no clue just how much They bled, in Their hearts, for us when Jesus hung on the Cross. But, They chose to “bleed” in Their hearts for us anyway! (Thank God They did!)
So, the next time we, as “Bleeding Battle Warriors,” are tempted to complain, even silently in our minds, that our bleeding is “invisible,” may we remember three things: (1) that GOD Himself sees our bleeding for our filmmakers, and more importantly, (2) that we are called to bleed in the spiritual battle of winning the airwaves back for GOD'S glory, NOT our own, and most importantly, (3) that Jesus and God both Themselves, willingly chose to bleed on our behalf in ways FAR BEYOND our human capacity to comprehend! And THEY consider that worth it! (Praise God They do!)
What Practical Application Nugget Did We Learn?
We, as Battle Prayer Warriors, often “bleed” for our filmmakers in ways that others cannot see. We bleed in our hearts. It is a common occurrence for our hearts to “bleed” for our filmmakers; however, our motive for “bleeding” for our filmmaker needs to be one hundred percent pure, and if our motive is ANYTHING but simple obedience to the LORD'S calling to “bleed in the battle” for our filmmaker, then our motive for bleeding is not one hundred percent pure. Therefore, the next time we, as “Bleeding Battle Warriors,” are tempted to complain, even silently in our minds, that our bleeding is “invisible,” may we remember three things: (1) that GOD Himself sees our bleeding for our filmmakers, and more importantly, (2) that we are called to bleed in the spiritual battle of winning the airwaves back for GOD'S glory, NOT our own, and most importantly, (3) that Jesus and God both Themselves, willingly chose to bleed on our behalf in ways FAR BEYOND our human capacity to comprehend! THEY consider that worth it, and we need to consider our bleeding for our filmmakers worth it too!
Practical Application Power Prayer
Thank You, Father God and Precious and Pure Jesus, for bleeding for us in ways far beyond anything I could ever even imagine! Please forgive me for becoming slack in my comprehension and remembrance of that! I also ask for Your forgiveness for complaining that NO ONE sees me bleeding in my closet for my filmmaker, not even my filmmaker nor his audience! I relinquish all need for me to be “visible” as I bleed in the battle closet for my filmmaker and his productions. I am completely satisfied to be “invisible” to everyone else in the production, knowing that my bleeding heart is NOT invisible to YOU! Thank You, God, for seeing me and seeing all that I do to bleed in my heart for my filmmaker and his productions! May You be glorified in him and in each of his productions as I “invisibly bleed” for them! Amen!