Last Tuesday...I awoke with an incredible sense of God's peace as to the previous day's contact with F.G. It was one of the very few times, if not the very first - and only - time, that I felt absolutely NO pressure on me to "perform" as F.G.'s mom and most dedicated prayer warrior! :) The previous day's contact was such an easy and enjoyable time just "being" with my daughter on-line rather than the usual "pressure" to counsel her and/or ask about the specific prayer needs that I had been laboring in prayer over since the last time we e-mailed. I sat in bed and just cherished the peaceful memory of "just being" with my daughter.
Last Tuesday...I sat in bed and basked in God's peace knowing that He was reminding me of something I already know very well (but obviously something that He wanted to remind me of). By allowing me to see the difference of the previous day's "no-pressure" contact with my missionary daughter, God reminded me that I, as HIS daughter, never need to "perform" for Him. He LOVES to just "be" with me, and He wants me to LOVE just "being" with Him - basking in His peace and pleasure with no pressure of performing! What a wonderful - and peaceful - reminder!
This Tuesday...I awoke, after being awake hours before with a migraine, with a jolt upon hearing that F.G. had been on-line. I was angry with myself for going back to sleep when I wanted to write to her hours prior to that, but just could not due to a migraine at the time.
This Tuesday...I felt extreme "pressure" to be everything to everyone needing my attention while trying to communicate with F.G. Although I LOVE being a mom and HATE the time-consuming, chronic sickness that hinders me from being a more involved mom, I have learned, for the most part under "normal" circumstances, how to cope with my disability in a way that, most-often, I believe everyone is able to patiently wait for their turn for my attention. My entire family was patiently waiting for my attention, but I was the one who did not feel patient with myself. I just could not juggle all that was going on around me today, and I felt that I failed in my "performance" and very much let F.G. down.
My heart was so sad.
And what's worse is that this Tuesday I forgot about last Tuesday.
I hear God's voice, in the whisper,
beckoning me to come back to that place of
basking in His peace, pleasure, and presence.
and in your's whenever you feel it.
When I live with God in His presence, I can "Breathe" - in His peace, pleasure, and presence - "for the Sake of the Gospel!"
And you can too!